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DeeLeeRyiZ
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Name: Kent
Country: Canada
Birthday: 7/13/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: i would like to die saving someone. in that act of selflessness ill be badly injured and/or wounded. ill fight every moment to live as a final test to my self perceived powerful mind. but sadly this is one fight which i will lose and have already lost.
now ask me how i would like to live.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/25/2003
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| I sit here with red eyes and a wet pillow.
I dare to think forward. Think of when you are gone. When you leave me.
I'll spare you the romantic mumbo jumbo, for me of all people should know better. But in this moment, yeah... I'm a sucker for that stuff.
I can see the world around me will be full of things to hurt me. An empty window. A weight lacking from my thighs when I try to sleep. A sink full of dirty dishes. A bed undone. A cupboard full of clean towels. Money saved on bubbletea. And guilt spent on something other than gas. A quiet phone. Sore muscles. A free hand on the shift knob. A moment of silence before digging in. An empty cup of tea.
The list goes on. I'll spare you.
I was asking for it, quite literally. A conversation with a friend on the topic will show you, if you can travel back. Living in the moment I was, and I sure wasn't regretting it then. But then isn't now, and now is the hard part.
So Kent, soon it's just you and me my old boy. Like old times. You've sure grown though, some wrinkles under the eyes. But I see something, looks like something for the good.
Whoever that was, sure seemed to leave a mark. Left you a better man. Would be a darn waste to let something like you go. So Kent, just hold on. Head up. No sweat. Nothing you haven't overcome before. Sure you think she's special. We all do and we all have. But we all get through it. Just a matter of time. Whether you like it, regret it, or not.
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| i just finished dinner at golden award, u know hk style chinese fastfood
the "value meal" comes with soup of the day, and some drink that is full of sugar (if u so choose)
AND if you are lucky, you also get a 2' by 2' square of what they call dessert.
I ate this fat covered cream sauce deepfried porkchop + chicken steak on rice (which was pan fried)
Near the end of my meal, my dad goes..
"Kent, I think you have a tummy."
Thanks Dad.
im gonna go puke now
bye
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| I hope its worth it.
But knowing the nature of it, anything and everything is valued as nothing as long as you have it. It's nature. It's the mechanism to promote our procreation. It's instinct. It has been evolved into our nature through thousands generations.
It's love.
I can't fight it. You won't even think about challenging it. What motivation is there for you to? Nothing can bring you more happiness that it. And aren't we all just selfish beings.. after all. At the end of the day, everything you do is for yourself. You don't have to do shit for nobody.
I'm just mad. Don't get me wrong, as you can see, I understand fully well it's not your fault. It's nobodies fault really. If I was in your shoes, I'd undoubtedly be doing the same. Cause that's love baby.
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| This is gonna be one of those introspective complaining type entries.
A. I have such a small social circle, it's practically a line. Its probably got some branches here and there, but it sure as hell ain't much of a circle. If it were a circle, there would be many of them, and perhaps with me having a toe or pinky just barely bisecting it.
I've just realized that every time I use xanga to bitch about my life, half-way through writing my entry I realize my problem is stupid and insignificant, and all in all not that bad. There are people out there who are worse off.
Anyways, just having one of those lonely existential kind of days. Just me and my problems.
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| Standing on the edge
I look down
As if there is no turning back
Either one or the other
If only I was certain
Then there would be no hesitation
But what have we here
A rope?
It disappears into the dark
A link
Between
The two
Maybe it travels all the way to the bottom
Or maybe its a fingertip out of reach
Hanging there
Teasing you of what you have given up
If you only could just grab a hold of it
And climb back up
Through bloody fingertips
And broken nails
An eternity spent climbing
Just to realize it was your memories teasing you all along.
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